While working as an NHS physiotherapist, I developed an anxiety disorder during the summer of 2017, following a four month work placement in an intensive care unit. Having a phobia of blood and needles meant that this environment was too much for me to handle. There had been a lot of changes up to this point in my life, and this was the tipping point. At times, physical symptoms made it nearly impossible to do simple things such as go to the supermarket—I even ended up in A&E myself because I felt so faint.
After two months persevering, I was forced to take sick leave—I could not believe that this was happening to me. I just didn’t understand what was going on or why—I felt let down by God and confused.
Asking god for help
Initially, in my prayer life, I had been asking God to take it away, but after spending time with a Christian counsellor, I began asking God to give me the strength to manage this—and boy did He give me strength!
He provided me with a new job in a private practice, and verses such as this one were springing off the page to me:
with god’s strength
Although I was still experiencing anxiety and even panic attacks I felt so much more in control and was able to deal with it through God’s strength—not my own. I’m in a completely different place now and, despite still experiencing some level of anxiety on a daily basis, I’m so much better equipped to deal with it.
I know, now, that God is trying to open my eyes to His works and my dependence on Him. I do feel sad, to an extent, that it took this but, at the same time, I couldn’t be happier and more grateful for having been through this experience.
How amazing would it be to go through life depending on God and having trust in His strength alone, not mine—this is what I’m striving for!
HE GIVES US STORIES ///
Throughout Advent, Refuge is posting a selection of stories of God’s work in our lives. Each morning of Advent, we will be sharing these stories for the encouragement and upbuilding of the Church—and to testify to His greatness. For the series introduction click here.
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