held together in an indescribable way
When I went in for my ultrasound scan I had great trepidation. I told God I honestly didn't know if I could see another still heart on the monitor. It was my second pregnancy in eight months where something wasn't going right. My first ended in miscarriage and I didn't think I could face another. As I lay waiting to hear the news, I could tell by the sonographer’s composed face that this baby, too, did not make it. It was indeed another miscarriage.
Yet, while my heart broke, it was also held together in an indescribable way. The pain and grief were undergirded with belief that God is faithful and could work all things to my good; that the Lord was indeed near to the brokenhearted. I knew in my heart He was true and good even though my experience seemed to suggest otherwise. The resounding comfort and prayer of my heart came from James 1:
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have it's perfect result, that you may be complete and perfect, lacking nothing.
In my grief, I trusted God was able to use this pain and work it for my good.
hope anchored in god
Three months later, as I look back on this season of loss and sorrow, I am truly amazed at what healing God has brought to my heart.
After my first miscarriage, I was grieved at the possibility that my last experience of pregnancy might be a bitter one, ending in death. When my worst fears were realised the second time, the Lord in His faithfulness has shown me that He is indeed as the Psalms say,
our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea…
I didn't think a second loss was something I could cope with—yet I found God to be faithful and more than able to carry me through. He met my loss and shattered desires with Himself, and He was more than enough. Through the sorrow and pain, the Lord has kindly redirected my heart to Himself as the only One who can truly satisfy my heart and the only sure foundation on which to place my hope.
Through the healing process, God is graciously teaching me that He is the good part of life and He is the only One who cannot be taken away from me.
Nothing in life is guaranteed. I cannot guarantee with any certainty that any of the many blessing I have in my life will be with me till I die. Yet, the Bible tells us that,
Those who hope in God will never be disappointed.
By the grace of God, I long for my hope to always be anchored in God, Himself. Not in what His hand may bring, but in His face. His character. His presence. His promise of life in Jesus. As His Word says,
My life is now hidden with Christ in God.
If He is the delight of my heart, I cannot be shaken in any ultimate sense. The Lord has filled my heart with peace and hope. Not necessarily that He will give me another child, but that whatever may come, He will be with me and will give me what I need according to His good purposes. He is my faithful and good Father and I can trust Him.
HE GIVES US STORIES ///
Throughout Advent, Refuge is posting a selection of stories of God’s work in our lives. Each morning of Advent, we will be sharing these stories for the encouragement and upbuilding of the Church—and to testify to His greatness. For the series introduction click here.
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